Never Give In: Reflections on Motherhood and Identity
"Never give in, never, never, never, never, never." These iconic words from Winston Churchill resonate deeply when you are navigating the complex journey of both writing and mothering. The resilience in these words isn’t just a call to arms; it’s a reminder that, no matter the challenge, persistence is the key to survival. But what happens when the challenge is not just external? What happens when the tug-of-war between who you are and who you are expected to be becomes an internal struggle?
Boarding pass poetry is one of my favorite pastimes. What better place to scribble thoughts swirling about in your mind than while waiting in line to board a flight? In this space, I am always filled with heightened emotions. Some are my own and some, I have certainly borrowed from fellow travelers sitting near me. Nonetheless, I always find inspiration in airports.
Am I a writer who mothers, or a mother who writes? Am I a sailor who mothers, or a mother who sails? These questions often float through my mind, like a boat unsure of which direction it’s headed. We all struggle to find balance, trying to define ourselves by the roles we play. But maybe the real answer isn’t choosing one role over another—it’s accepting that we can be many things at once.
Think of your life as a backpack that you carry with you every day. Inside, you pack all the experiences, memories, responsibilities, and emotions that make up who you are. Some of these things are light and easy to carry—joyful moments, accomplishments, and dreams. But other items can feel heavier—challenges, disappointments, and worries. Over time, the weight shifts and changes, and you might add new things while letting go of old ones. Some days, the backpack feels light and manageable, and other days, it feels like a burden that weighs you down. But no matter what’s inside, you keep carrying it with you, adjusting the straps and finding your balance, because it’s yours. This backpack represents the complexity of your life, where every experience, big or small, adds to the person you are today.
We’re all on this journey, sometimes waiting for what feels like ages to reunite with the people we love. Reunions bring joy, but they also carry a quiet sadness—a sense that something’s missing. For moms, this feeling can be especially strong when their kids grow up. You watch them laugh, change, and become independent, while you stand by, realizing how much time has passed. It’s a bittersweet moment when you realize that you, too, have changed—not just in age, but in how your heart feels, as the noise and energy your children once brought to your life fades away.
But even in those moments of sadness and reflection, we carry on. We don’t press forward because we have to, but because we’re hardwired for resilience. Life doesn’t stop, and neither do we. Like travelers with heavy backpacks, we keep moving, step by step, even when the weight feels overwhelming. Each role we juggle, whether it’s being a writer, a mother, a sailor, or a creator, adds layers to our identity. Instead of defining ourselves by one singular role, we choose to embrace the fullness of who we are. There’s a strength in this complexity, in refusing to shrink down to a single version of ourselves. We’re more than just one title or one chapter in our lives. We are multifaceted, each layer contributing to the rich, textured person we’ve become. We press on, not because it’s easy, but because it’s who we are. The road may be winding, and the backpack may be heavy, but we are capable of navigating it all.
And in those quiet moments of reflection, we begin to understand that the journey of motherhood and self-discovery doesn’t have a final destination. It’s a path that stretches on, full of twists and turns, changes, and growth. There is no perfect ending, no finish line to cross where we suddenly have all the answers. Instead, the beauty lies in the ongoing process—the constant evolution of who we are and who we’re becoming. Every day offers an opportunity to redefine ourselves, to rediscover parts of us that we may have lost or forgotten along the way. It’s this journey of self-discovery and motherhood, with all its messiness and wonder, that gives life its depth and richness. There are moments when the road feels uncertain, when we feel lost or overwhelmed, but it’s precisely in these imperfect, unpredictable times that we grow the most. The beauty lies not in having everything figured out, but in the constant process of learning, adapting, and discovering new parts of ourselves. Motherhood, in particular, is full of unexpected turns—moments of joy, frustration, and everything in between. As our children grow, so do we. We learn to navigate new stages of life, finding strength we didn’t know we had, and adapting to changes we didn’t anticipate.
But perhaps the most beautiful part of this journey is the realization that we are never truly finished. There is no final destination where everything is perfectly sorted or fully understood. Instead, life is a continuous unfolding, a process that never stops revealing new layers. There’s always more to uncover about who we are, more wisdom to gain from our experiences, and more love to give and receive. With each chapter, we gain deeper insight into ourselves, into our roles as mothers, creators, partners, and individuals.
So, to answer the questions that began this journey—Am I a writer who mothers, or a mother who writes? Am I a sailor who mothers, or a mother who sails?—perhaps the answer isn’t as simple as one or the other. It’s not about choosing between roles but embracing the complexity of living many lives at once. We are writers and mothers, sailors and creators, because these roles are not separate but intertwined, each part of the whole. We don’t need to define ourselves by just one title or one path. The beauty lies in our ability to carry all these pieces with us, learning, evolving, and growing as we move forward. In this constant unfolding, we find our true strength—not in being just one thing, but in being many things at once, embracing the fullness of who we are and who we are becoming.
Lekfada, Greece. Isn’t it lovely?
